Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
