A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
