You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
