I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
