ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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