I wish I could teleport
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
