these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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