if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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