why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
