Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize