I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
