You smell like a Billy Joel song
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
