what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize