I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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