We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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