so that wasnt chicken after all
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
