He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
