You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
