I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Someone shattered a urinal.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
