if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
what is it with giant penises always finding me
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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