I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
