Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
