in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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