She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
