I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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