You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
