im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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