its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
