Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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