Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
