I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
