Don't make out with my wife yet
Jerry, you need to find god
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
its not stalking. its research.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
