Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I intend to get homeless drunk
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
