I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize