4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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