You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
