I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm like, not good at living.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
