Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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