I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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