thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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