Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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