Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
