Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
