sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
