She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Did I show you my penis last night?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
