My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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