you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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