I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
