i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
