i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
