Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
