Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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