I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
