You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
