sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
