i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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