we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
