They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Why is your signature on my underwear?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
