i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
