I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize