If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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