If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
