you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
