Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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