Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
