he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
