Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
