bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
