mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
