life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
