why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
