You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
