Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
