she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
