areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Randomize
