Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
